No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
