I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
