life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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