The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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