What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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