I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
