What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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