I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
