Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
