I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
