every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
