at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you inspire me to be a worse person
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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