Soap is not a condiment
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
