She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
barbara walters just said penis...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bring me that man meat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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