Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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