i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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