So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
