Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
