she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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