He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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