I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
