It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your cock deserves a montage
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
