go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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