I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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