all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
