I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
