He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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