Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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