nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
