Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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