So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
