Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
