She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
