you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
