I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
