the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
