Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
