you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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