Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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