i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
