PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
