Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
