I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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