I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
