Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
