if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
