coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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