____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
