Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
