Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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