Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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