Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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