I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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