Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You were trust falling into bushes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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