she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
