I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
