Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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