Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
