went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
