Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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