Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
