I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
