What a fucking waste of an outfit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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