go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
