Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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