dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
