but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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