dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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