i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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