sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
