we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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