something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
