can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
