why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize