He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
