He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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