There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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