if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
