i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
