i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
