oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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