Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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