He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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