I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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